Content Warning: This article contains a discussion of sexual assault. All names have been changed for privacy.
Let’s talk about tonic immobility, a biological response many sexual assault survivors experience). AY (name changed) recalled every second of that dreadful moment. She had just left a party, standing right outside the building with her friends when she felt a strong hand yank her against a chest, right before groping her. AY didn’t run, and neither did she fight; she just froze.
Tonic immobility is a reflex whereby the human body is involuntarily stiff and unable to move or react when triggered by a perceived danger. A study carried out at an Emergency Clinic for Raped Women in Stockholm, Sweden, reported that this phenomenon was the experience of 70% of the 298 survivors who participated in the study. That is just one group of women; several studies featuring many other women who have been through the same unfortunate incident exist, all because of one thing that wasn’t agreed on- ‘consent’.
Consent is an affirmative, conscious and voluntary verbal and nonverbal agreement, by two legal adults, to engage in any sexual activity. It is not the absence of a ‘no’ but the enthusiastic presence of a ‘yes’. Obtaining and giving clear consent requires uninfluenced and open communication. It is not always about a single and direct verbal answer. Non-verbal cues also play a crucial role; relaxed body language, maintained eye contact, and leaning into the other person can all signal openness and willingness, as opposed to withdrawn postures, glances around the room, or furrowed brows.
However, it is important to note that non-verbal cues alone are not enough, which is why clear verbal communication is essential. It is a common misconception to believe words don’t have to be spoken for consent to be given, or even worse- that verbally asking for consent “ruins the mood”. On the contrary, verbally asking for consent at the start of every sexual activity, is a sign of respect and creates a safe and enjoyable mood for all involved parties.
Misconceptions about what this truly means are common, and many fail to recognise when consent has not been given and when it has been withdrawn. A study by the Crown Prosecution Services (CPS) shows that 72% of 18- to 24-year-olds did not understand that consent can be withdrawn. A simple, “Is this okay?” before a kiss or a “Do you like when I touch you like this?” asked before any new sexual act is performed, is enough to get a go-ahead and can heighten romantic tension.
Many victims have been gaslighted and silenced by their abusers because their lack of response was interpreted as a ‘yes’. This misunderstanding of tonic immobility is the armour many abusers wear in defending their actions, claiming that their victims consented. This is why silence cannot be an agreement, silence is not an agreement.
There are certain situations where consent is legally and ethically impossible, no matter what verbal and non-verbal cues may suggest. If one party is incapacitated by alcohol or drugs to the point of slurred speech or confusion, they cannot give valid consent. Power imbalances, such as between a student and professor or an employee and boss, also negate the possibility of consent due to the inherent authority differential. And in any situation involving a minor under the legal age, an adult cannot claim consent was given. This also goes for individuals going through any mental or emotional instability.
According to Mirabel Centre, a Nigerian Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO), “Sexual assault affects the victims physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially, it can be shattering, leaving survivors being scared, ashamed, and alone, or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories.” The trauma of sexual assault and the ignorance of consent have detrimental impacts. This includes a staggering statistic: approximately 70% of Nigerian females report more than one incidence of sexual assault.
Ultimately, ending this violent act requires a cultural shift in how we educate and raise awareness around consent from an early age. Comprehensive consent education covering bodily autonomy, boundaries, and bystander intervention must be mandated in all schools and universities. While strides have been made, this issue remains pervasive and impacts people of all genders, backgrounds, and circumstances. Speaking out, supporting survivors, and proactively building a culture of consent are crucial to creating lasting change.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, resources are available. Call the Mirabel Centre at 0815-577-0000. Your call is confidential, and you will be believed and supported.
